Appreciation

I have been thinking a lot lately about what we tell other about what we respect, admire, love, and appreciate in them.  The little things and the big things alike are too frequently left unsaid. 

I have found that there are 2 times that we might be willing to share these thoughts.  The first is when we leave a place, a job, a city, or a country.  I experienced this as I was preparing to leave Senegal.  My co-workers gave eloquent and moving speeches about me and I to felt moved to share with them the things that I appreciated in each of them.  I commented to a friend that I thought it was sad that everyone had waited to say these things to me until I was leaving, that some of those kind words would have made some of my more difficult moments in Senegal just a little bit easier.  Sometimes having someone else recognizes and appreciates what you have done or who you are can make all the difference.  

The other time I think people are willing to share these thoughts is after someone dies.  It is then that you start to vocalize all the things that you appreciated in that person and admired.  You say these things to the relatives and friends left behind, which might bring some comfort to them but leaves me wondering why we don’t say these things to the living person.  My mother’s cousin died recently, an amazing woman whose strength, courage, sense of adventure, and artist talent I admired very much.  Unfortunately, I did not tell her those things in her life and I am now left to share these thoughts with her daughter.  I wish I had told her while she was living.

A few years ago my father organized a wonderful birthday gift for my mother’s birthday.  He asked relatives and friends to write her a letter, telling her something they admired in her, sharing a favorite memory, or something they had learned from her.  People responded with wonderful and creative and very touching letters.  I did, however, have a few people ask me if my mother was sick or dying, thinking I suppose that this would be the one reason to organize such a gathering of caring words and admiring thoughts.  Instead it was simply a wonderful act of love, something quiet admirable in my opinion.

 

I am not sure exactly why it is that we often leave things unsaid but I know for me at times feelings of embarrassment, shyness, being afraid of finding myself in a vulnerable position, or that others will take advantage of my comments.  If I am honest though I will admit that often it is a kind of laziness that keeps me from sharing kind words or appreciative comments with someone, it takes time to write a letter or to really be in the moment with someone and have the time to share your thoughts and I know that I don’t always take that time.  Leaving Senegal, my friends and co-workers there, the death of my cousin, and coming back to the US all make me want to make a greater effort to more consciously appreciative of the people in my life.

So in that spirit I would like to thank my family and friends who were supported me over these last 8 months as I was in Senegal.  Those who sent letters, e-mails, or called all made my time in Senegal a little bit easier and made me feel a little bit less far from home.   I am very appreciative of the moments that you took to think of me and to connect with me even if I was far far away.   Merci.