Writer's Block

I always intend to write more than the few posts that have ended up on my blog in the last few months. I have had a multitude of post ideas in the last month. Many a post have been started in my head on various airplane, train, car, or bus rides across the country. I am not exaggerating I have taken all those forms of transportation in the last 6 weeks. As an illustration of my traveling I will outline a 48 hour period that I had a few weeks ago. Wake up in Minnesota, Lunch in Minnesota, Dinner in Atlanta, Sleep in Atlanta, Wake-up in Atlanta, Lunch in Pennsylvania, Dinner in Pennsylvania, and finally sleep in Pennsylvania. I use to write a lot on airplanes but lately I have been sleeping more than writing. None the less I have had plenty of things to think about, reflect on, and want to write about but it hasn't happened yet for a multitude of reasons. The main reason being that when I finally do face the blank page of my blog all my idea suddenly seem uninteresting and so I don't finish writing them down or take the time to think things through more so that my ideas make sense and are a bit more interesting. I guess this could be called writer's block, still I am going to try and write down some of my ideas here.

The main themes of my non-written posts of the last month are:

1) Packing, unpacking, and repacking
This goes hand in hand with all my traveling. Over 5 trips in the last 6 weeks makes for a lot of packing, especially when some of the trips involve the same town but staying at 3 different places in less than a week. Currently, I am in the last second to last phase of packing. I am packing for my departure for Senegal. This involves 3 bags each at 50 pounds, a carry-on, and lots of logistics. Packing for a year is really no different than packing for 3 months except that for 3 months I know I can go without a lot of things but I am not so sure I can go without those same things for 12 months. Packing has also involved putting everything that didn't make the cut into boxes and into my brother's attic. Again the question of whether I really will want something a year or three years from now arises. I don't know when I will be unpacking those boxes and settling into a new place long term. Certainly I might miss some of those things if I moved back to the US next year but if I don't move back for several years I might very well open the boxes and wonder what I was thinking back in the summer of 2008 as I packed away these things that seemed to be treasures. I think of myself as a pretty expert packer but this summer has required a level of logistical packing that has been nearly more than I can handle. So far I have managed and the truth is I can make do without a lot of things, I will just have to keep remembering that next year when I can't find my favorite toothpaste or shampoo.

2) Good-byes
I have said good-bye to a lot of people over the last 6 weeks. There have been two or three "official" going away events but mostly it has been over weeks meeting a friend for a last coffee, drink, or brunch. Of course Good-byes are always a bit strange when you don't have a clue when will be the next time that you see each other. I always hope that good-byes are actually see you soon or see you later instead of good-byes. Today, it maybe easier to communicate with people all over the world with e-mail, skype, regular phones, online chats, and even regular mail but sometimes I don't think that makes it easier to really connect with people on a deep level. Sometimes too much possibility of communication is just that, too much and you end up with not a lot of connection and maybe a lot of useless information.

Yet the questions remain. How do you confirm a friendship without out it being strange? How do you express the kind of communication you that that you are going to have in the future without making anyone feel guilty if it doesn't work exactly like that? How do you accept that some people that are close friends will eventually drift away as time passes and you are no longer in the same place in the world? At the same time how do you look to make new friends in a new place while staying in touch with the old friends?

3)Training
Last week I had training for my new job. The 23 fellows of the class of 08-09 gathered in my organization's headquarters for a week of orientation and training. It was nice to connect with the other fellows even if I am not likely to see many of them again in the near future. I think that we are likely to stay in touch to varying degrees if only because we will be going through similar experiences. There is something about shared experiences that bonds people together even if they are physically far apart from one another. The week was intense and certainly made me think both about the short term, the coming year as a fellow in Senegal but also the longterm of whether I would want to stay on with this group for more years to come. I still have many months to make a final decision about the later but so far I like what I see. I certainly don't feel completely ready for the job at hand but that is pretty normal for starting a new job regardless of your qualifications. The nice thing about being a fellow this year is that I feel a little bit less pressure on myself to know everything off the bat where as if I wasn't a fellow I would be more concerned with impressing from day one. This isn't to say that I don't plan to impress but rather that I am not as worried about how things will go in the first few weeks and months.

I am hoping that my writers block will go away soon so I can get some more blog posts out of my head. They are running around in there I assure you. Sometimes though it isn't the writers block as much as finding time to sit and write it all out. So here is to hoping for some more time to write and to reflect on things going on around me in the coming weeks.